


Practicing Medicine without a License

by oversizedcassette



Category: Naruto
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Obito is a negative example
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:01:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21814837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oversizedcassette/pseuds/oversizedcassette
Summary: Uchiha Obito and Uchiha Shisui shared some (not so useful) tips about how to help their mates overcome some little problem.Hatake Kakashi and Uchiha Itachi were not happy.Watch your mouth if you were not professional.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, OBKK, Uchiha Itachi/Uchiha Shisui
Kudos: 31





	Practicing Medicine without a License

**Author's Note:**

> I am slowly translating my old obkk fics into English. Hope you enjoy.  
> Mainly conversation, humor and fluff.  
> Obito is a negative example don't copy him.

01 A normal conversation between Obito and Shisui

Uchiha Obito and Uchiha Shisui not so accidentally met each other in a dessert shop. I mean, it's a dessert shop, they were Uchiha, obviously they would meet each other there someday.

Shisui: Obito, well, now that we've met, I have something need your advises. 

Obito: Excuse me, I doubt I can suggest something helpful besides what you already know. Unless you want to know something as 10 tips for running Akatsuki. Just joking. You don't want to know, do you?

Shisui: No, it's something else I know you are good at.

Obito: If you say so. Well go ahead I'm listening.

Shisui: Rationally, how to correct and prevent your mate's paranoid behavior.

Obito: What?

Shisui: Rationally, how to correct and prevent your mate's paranoid behavior.

Obito: OK, It depends. See, I never try to stop Kakashi from wearing mask 24 hours per day, nor to remove Icha Icha Paradise from his hand.

Shisui: Alright, I'm wrong, you are not good at it.

Obito: Those are no-need-to-interfere examples. There is no general solution towards different paranoid behaviors. Sometimes you should not let them find out you're caring for their behaviors, or they will be stressed and pretend there is nothing worrisome, then you should pretend to be oblivious to relieve their stress... very complicated. 

Shisui: Oh, I believe you two are good actors.

Obito: Actually. So it's a big subject. I can't give out useful suggestions without a specification. 

Shisui: ...For instance, Itachi attempted to cook a fried egg two days ago. He tried 52 eggs to made a perfect one. We don't have so many eggs in our refrigerator, so he used his Sharingan to one of our rooster.

Shisui: You know, rooster.

Obito: Unbelievable. How difficult could it be to cook a perfect egg? Why did he try 52 times.

Shisui: Because asymmetry, bubbles, leaking yolk, uneven seasoning, coagulating too soo...

Obito: Enough, enough, I get it. That's easy, you are asking the right man. The solution is -- doing the cook stuff yourself.

Shisui: That's it?

Obito: I always do. Whenever he is doing something repeatedly, I just rush to there and do it myself. He doesn't have high standards to me. He used to wipe everything, I mean, everything, in home everyday, in the same pace and force. Now he doesn't, it's me doing all the housework now.

Shisui: I've already done. However, it just treats the symptoms, not the root cause. You help him this time, there will always be another.

Obito: If you want to cure this properly, take him to hospital. Haruno Sakura knows who you are, She will take care of him well, for Sasuke's sake, and Kakashi's, and mine.

Shisui: Is it truly so severe?

Obito: It is, truly, definitely, entirely. Don't miss the treatment time because of pathomeiosis, Itachi could do such a terrible thing to an innocent and helpless rooster now, what would he do in the future? Unimaginable.

Shisui: What do you mean "such a terrible thing", Itachi just gave it a look.

Obito: Tsukuyomi IS an undeniably terrible thing

Shisui: We are friends Obito, from the same family as well. Be nice to us, will you?

Obito: Nope.

Shisui: Well, it seems that I have no responsibility to keep silence for your doings then. I'll go have a talk with Kakashi, so many things I could tell him.

Obito: What? Why! Aren't we friends, Shisui? 

Shisui: Nope.

Obito: ...We both take a step back.

Shisui: This is the importance of being nice. If you keep rules in your mind, there would be less your little crimes caught by me.

Obito: Alright, alright.

Shisui: Get back to business. Has Kakashi gone to hospital? Has it working?

Obito: Nope, because of pathomeiosis.

Shisui:...

Shisui: I don't understand. Why is he ashamed of Germaphobia, That's almost usual.

Obito: Hmm, he has other problems. But I know where the root is, no worry, my solution has worked well.

Shisui: Would you like to share the very useful method to me?

Obito: I don't think you need it. What can root in frying 52 eggs?

Shisui: Maybe next time he will show it himself.I have to be prepared. Besides, frying...eggs..eggs...oh, I get it! It's EGGS! THE eggs!

Obito: What's the problem with you? You have pathomeiosis too don't you? I don't think you are capable of working as the captain of Anbu now. I will go tell Kakashi and his doctor student about your craziness.

Shisui: I'm not crazy. I just suddenly find out that regular fried eggs look like eyes.

Obito: Oh,...you do have a point. Relating everything about Uchiha to eyes won't be wrong.

Shisui: See? Now I think it's necessary to learn about your method.

Obito: emm...I have a different opinion. I suspect you will run to Kakashi's three students and tell them everything once I finished.

Shisui: Three? I have heard it's four.

Obito: The fourth is not raised up by Kakashi, thus doesn't rely on him that much.

Shisui: But the original members of team 7 are not raised up by Kakashi either.They was already 11 years old when graduated from school.

Obito: Not the physical part. I'm talking about how they learned to be ninjas.

Shisui: Acceptable. Now teach me please? We are friends, I'm willing to keep your secrets.

Obito: Let me get this straight. If I teach you, Sasuke would first kill you then hunt me down. Kakashi won't be too pleased when he hear the news.

Shisui: ...Alright, I don't want to know anything now. You dirty guy.

Obito: Hey! I didn't say that!

Shisui: You mean it.

Obito: Whatever, it's all your imagination.

Shisui: You can tell yourself that.

Obito: Anyway. Speak about... those behaviors, do you think they got them from Anbu? Must be cursed, or has bad Feng Shui, or something.

Shisui: That's ridiculous. You are ridiculous. You can find nine counter-examples out of ten. Hello, there is one sitting in front of you.

Obito, It's a logical conclusion. Think about it...

Shishui: I think Itachi was influenced by other members of Akatsuki. They were all freaks.

Obito: Non sense. You just want to blame me. Is it a revenge of the Anbu thing?

Shisui: Name a counter-example?

Obito: ...

Shisui: See.

Obito: No! I mean, yes, they were freaks, but being a freak and being a paranoid are totally different things. If not because of Anbu, then must because of Anbu team 6. Look at those members besides them! Uzuki Yuugao, and that Tenzo guy, they both lost their lov...oh.

Shisui: Oh, uh... good weather, isn't it? It has nothing to do with paranoid either.

Obito: Yeah, right. Must be cursed, or infected by the you-must-lose-your-intended virus

They stopped talking.

Before heading back separately, Obito, wearing a lot of clothes including gloves, stood in the cold wind straight and still. "Itachi looks like a strong ninja not afraid of doctors. Could you please share with me doctor's suggestions later? "

Wearing Anbu uniform, getting chills, Shisui embraced himself. "Of course , I will." 

\------------------

02 The result.

Truly, Itachi was not afraid of doctors. Chickens' living condition in Uchiha's yard was soon improved. Unfortunately, fried eggs looking like eyes was a beautiful coincidence, but Itachi thought Shisui finding out fried eggs looks like eyes was NOT a coincidence. He got a reputation for not treating his own Sharingan very nicely.

Obito's so-called method was spilled to Sakura, Konoha Hospital's director, by Shikamaru, the Hokage's assistant. Unfortunately, a considerable number of famous ninjas' fear of hospitals was getting worse, including the sixth Hokage

**Author's Note:**

> The scene where Itachi tried to cook a perfect fried egg for Sasuke again and again, even used his Sharingan to a rooster in the yard is from the game Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm. It's an adorable domestic stuff, but hidden something very sad.


End file.
